This story doesn’t need much explanation, other than the fact that I have lived with 10+ cats of different ages and breeds through different periods of my life. I never counted how many we had, because that’s probably something that I don’t want to admit to myself. But, spending more time at home lately has helped me realize some things about my current 3 - cat - lifestyle, meaning that I do the same things everyday with my cats. They are a part of adventure in this life, and here we jump in together.
Cat Ladies and Tea
A day started without a cup of black and ginger green tea is just not a day. Every morning starts that way, while at least 2 of our 3 cats meow for a can of wet food. Of course they get some, we eat breakfast together. But I realized I had a cat- mom problem last night while I was making a cup of orange and spice with our electric kettle (you really should get a kettle sometime, they boil water in 3 seconds). I was reaching underneath my cat, who was standing next to me on the counter, to pour a cup of tea so I could dip a cookie I just made in the tea. Chetoo - my cat - would not move his fat ass out of the way. I’m struggling to pour boiling water in a yoga position so that I could make it in the cup while I would not disturb his stance. I sound like your 80 year old Grandmother. But It’s just me. Point is - cat ladies will stop at nothing to have their tea, even if their cat is in the way.
Cat Ladies and Talking to Their Cats
Chetoo Cheezey Cheeze Man The Big Cheese Meatloaf Bun Potato Baby Big Baby Leonardo the Noodle Leo LeLe ChiChi TT Bechu Tinkerbelle Tinky Tink Fatty Fatima Angel The Seal Sunshine Angiry Chez, the list of names for our cats goes on and on. But each name describes a specific relationship we have with our cats and a position that our cats sit in. Chetoo is my Baby, he’s nearly 20 pounds of fat and hunka hunka burning lovin (we sing that Elvis song to him). Chez is the chillest cat you could ever meet, he will sit on your lap and purr forever, or he will sit in the middle of the floor and stare at you - his meatloaf position. Leo (aka, Big Baby) is a 1 year old Siamese full of energy and a bit of crazy. He zooms around the house playing with toys in the middle of the night when we try to sleep. Thunk thunk thunk, oh look it’s just Leo running down the stairs, not an Earthquake. “LEO!”, I have groggily screamed many nights. Then, he comes into my room and starts eating shit off the floor. “Stop Leo, it’s just a receipt,” I explain to him, as he rips it to shreds. There is no use in talking to that one. But my Sister has a secret language with her cat, who is Chetoo’s sister, Tinkerbelle. She calls her Bechu, and Tink mews like she does to the birds. They will hold a conversation like this, for minutes, changing the words and responses. I can’t really top that one in any way, shape or form. Having a secret language with your cat is cool as fuck.
Cat Ladies and Feeding their Cats
Cats can be picky eaters. They want food, they don’t want what you give them. They want to eat at different times. We figured this system out for the most part - we feed them wet food a lil after we wake up or before bed, and give them scoops of dry food through the day. The dry food is good for their teeth, and wet food is a good way to make sure they drink water. Ding the can and they come running. I spend enough time feeding them during the day as it is, at least we don’t have to worry about enticing them to eat (especially not Fatty).
Cat Ladies and Computers
It’s surprising I can even read, let alone use one of these contraptions, after my cataract surgery. The battery is always dying, I zoom in so much on the screen that it crashes, I text people through snapchat as a sole means of communication with the outside world. The last thing I heavily watched on Youtube was The Mean Kitty song when I was 10. Everytime I type something, yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyesssssss my cat sits on the computer. I am still blowing cat hair off of it. That’s probably why my enter, b and y keys don’t work half the time (But they did now!). Check back in with me in half a century when there is maybe some hope for me in using these newfangled thingamabobs. In the meantime, I have to pick up the incense my cat spilled all over the floor.
Cat Ladies and Telling Stories
Telling stories is a favorite pastime of mine. Otherwise, why would I be writing this? Any of my friends would tell you that I have told them about my pets on multiple occasions. Maybe because my life is so bland that I don’t have much other things to talk about, then what I found my cat playing with today, or demonstrating how my cat was meowing at 3 am. But are they not good stories to tell? I just wrapped my sweetness up like a burrito, as he was snoozing on my bed. He can have my mattress during the day I suppose. Leo just jumped up next to him - and I have never seen them snuggle together, but they must have been cold today!
Cat Ladies and Shopping
This might be the only thing that's not true for myself, but is for other Cat Ladies I know. Wink wink. If the cat food says it is 4 for $1, I will get that price at the checkout. And I will continue to rant to the cashier about how things aren’t the way they used to be and how things were cheaper back in my day, no matter where I was living. But in good hearts, I used to work as a Store Clerk and so I sympathize with the cashier. I am apologizing for the rest of the Cat Ladies in the Universe.
Cat Ladies and Going Outside (Whether it’s Winter or Not)
I am always freezing, but on a rare occasion where I leave the house, I have to take precautionary measures. 3 layers of socks, and on a cold Wisconsin day, at least 2 pairs of pants and 3- 4 shirts. I wish it was possible to wear more shirts comfortably. Everybody who has a cat knows how snugly they like to get. But, I think for me, growing up around snoozing cats my whole life, I have contracted their lack of body temperature regulation. It is for this reason that I must layer up - because I cannot layer under the blankets like they can, and I do not have a fur coat. Forget the different species, here - this is a matter of convenience and mobility. Take that one, cats - I may have gotten the freezies from you, but I am wearing enough shirts to outwarm you by a good smidge. (p.s. The cats don’t even know I have them figured out yet - stay tuned for that next adventure).
Cat Ladies and Playing With Their Cats Our house is a multi-dimensional, multi-layered cat playing zone. Our floor is patterned with boxes and paper bags (I drew and designed on most of them). Their new favorite is a mattress box that I cut holes in, that they go zooming through, ‘full’ speed ahead. Wink again to whoever figures that one out. 2 fancy cat towers, a million toys, and my personal favorite, a catnip filled banana, red hot chilli pepper, pineapple, apple, blueberry, and something else I forgot. Oh a fluffy carrot! Some toys disappear after awhile. We also brush them and play with string wands, and take them outside on leashes when it’s nice out (but we have to buy small dog harnesses, they don’t make cat ones and I don’t know why). They get open windows too. If you were a cat, where else would you be? I mean it must be nice to have an owner custom install catwalk shelving for you. Cat Ladies and Food Just because they don't want to eat Feline Frenzy doesn’t mean they won’t eat some of your food. They will sit on the counter whether you want them too or not. And they will eat ice cream, apricots, olive juice, and bread even if you think they won’t. That goes alongside the steak bites, grilled chicken chunks, and hamburger bits that you think they might eat. Big Chez surprises me everyday. He has a diverse palate, while Leo loves fruit. But I’ve also caught LeLe running around the house with a bell pepper in his mouth. Must have stolen something from the counter again. Cat Ladies and Sleeping It’s no secret that cats love to sleep, but did anyone ever tell you that cats love snoozing around the same times everyday? They wake up when we wake up, and right before you go to work, and right before you go to sleep. Of course they follow you in your bedroom and fight with you over who gets the pillows and the most leg space. They will suffocate you, by sitting on top of you until you can’t breathe and become weak from lack of oxygen. Of course they always win the best spot, leaving your motionless body crammed in the one remaining cubic foot of the mattress, with just enough blankets to barely cover your left leg. It’s the little things that matter. But good thing the cats get up after 4 hours to parade around when the Humans are asleep (that's when they rule the house). The thing is, I don’t care that I go to these lengths to please my cats. I don’t care how many times they scratch me or wake me up. I love them! And when you accept a cat into your life, you accept a different personality into your life, good boys or bad boys. But sitting here in a fleece sweater that my Grandma gave me, covered in Chetoo’s grey hair and Leo’s white hair, I have realized what I have become... A cat mom. I literally do everything with or for my cat… it's all true I can’t believe it! You never know what you can see online these days!!
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